Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Lovely Janana Bee. Guest Post #1

Aloha Bloggy pals. Welcome to 1 of 4 guest posts being done while I Va-kay somewhere else. Yes.

I know.

I'm in Hawaii.

Why do I want to go anywhere else for Va-kay?
Even an island girls needs too see the world.

Janna and I have been reading each other since I started back up last year. You can't NOT love this woman. It's like having a long time friend around who really 'knows' me and my blog.

So without further adieu...The first lovely lady to grace your eyes.


When the Rambler asked me to write a post for her while she vacationed in California, I was shocked. Not because she asked me to post for her, but she lives in Hawaii and she's vacationing in California? Why? (I kid, I kid.) I was genuinely honored to be asked, and the Rambler is one of my favorite bloggers.

So because many of you do not know me, let me introduce myself. My name is Janna, and I live in a house filled with testosterone. In my household we have two little boys and my husband, and then little old me. I grew up in a female centric house and worked at female centric jobs all my life, and so the male species has always been somewhat of an enigma to me. My oldest is four years old, and I am just now starting to get the hang of living in a house full of boys. As I am such an expert- (yeah right)- let me tell you what I have learned over the years:

No matter how many toys you have, you can never have enough balls. Make sure to get as many balls in as many sizes as you can. This goes for trucks as well. You must also own one lawnmower for each child in the house. When your children's father and your son(s) start ganging up on you to invest in a riding lawn mower, feign deafness. Or ignore. And repeat.

The Wiggly, Slimy, Creepy-Crawly Stuff!
Worms. Get to know them, love them, and understand one day, even in Michigan in January you might find that your son has filled his coat pockets with the slimy things. (True story. I shudder just remembering it!) Also be prepared for your child to be fascinated by spiders, ants, and any other insect that you find disgusting!
Sack of worms
Photo by Shygantic

Potty Time!
When removing your infant boy's diaper, take it off, and then put it back on quickly, unless you want to be showered in pee. I know you have probably heard this one before, but the moment you get complacent and forget to is the moment they decide to shower you!

Once it is finally time to potty train your son, resign yourself to the fact that boys are hard to potty train and your son might wear diapers until he's five. Then, when he potty trains sooner than that, you will feel like you are he is a genius. Once your son is potty trained, scrub around your toilet often. I think you all KNOW what I am talking about!

(Side note: Hide your feminine products, otherwise they might become craft projects/science experiments/nose plugs.)

The Other Child- i.e., The Father!
I cannot forget to mention the other little boy man in your life. He becomes quite the helper immediately after your son is born. He makes sure everything looks right "down there", you know, in case the doctor misses anything. Once the child is "much older" (about 3 months) also makes sure to inform his son of all the important things in life sports.

If your son has no interest in sports, remind your partner of all the cool interests he has (trucks, for example) and tell your partner not to worry, he will be interested in sports later on in life. And then pray. Or have another boy, and pray he is interested in sports. I am thankful for my youngest son for having an early interest in all sports, and thankful that I have my oldest son who also thinks (like me) that hockey games are boring as h-e-double hockey sticks.

Those Awkward Conversations!
As far as the sex talk, breathe a sigh of relief that you are not in charge of the birds and the bees story- leave that up to the Father. Your excuse for not helping with this: "it makes more sense to have you talk about it, because you are a guy".

However, understand that at one point you will have to have a weird discussion about breasts and nipples that you never wanted to have. Just do your best to trudge through it and then wipe it from your memory.

The Good, Bad and the Ugly
At some point you will think that your son is perfect and he will never meet anyone that will get him and be special enough for him. Stop that, otherwise you might become THAT Mother when you are older, that overprotective Mother-in-law that drives your son's partner crazy. Try to remind yourself that you're son is not as perfect as you think.

(Side note: If you possess the ability, make sure to teach your son to cook. His partner will thank you for it.)

Most Importantly...
Feel lucky that you have a little boy, because the stories are true- Mommies and their boys have a special bond, one that is different from Mommies and daughters. Little boys are incredibly sweet when they want to be. (Also be glad that you never have to suffer the teenage years with a daughter.)

There you have it. My insights into the "masculine mystique". I'm sure you learned a lot. You can thank me later.


Please. Go stop by her place today. Show some love love love.


17 ramblings of your own:

Unknown said...

Yeah! My Post is on your page! Thanks for asking me to do a guest post- it was really fun. I can't wait to hear a recap of your trip (with pictures please!)

Carma Sez said...

Janna Bee-
this is a splendiferous post!! As doting mom to one male teenager (I can no longer refer to him as a boy) I've got to agree on all points, except I do, for a fact, know that no one will be worthy enough for my perfect son ;-)

MammaDucky said...

Thanks for the insight! I had twin girls first, so this is my first foray into boyhood. Strangely enough, my girls are more interested in worms than my son. Hmmmmm.

jmt said... posted all my sentiments. :) Except the part about them not being perfect. Yes they are. And so what if we're the crazy MIL! Okay, okay...fine. I'll try.

Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

Great post, Janna! I have two sons, 14 and 11 years old and it just gets stinkier and slimier and more loving!!

Anonymous said...

My son is six and still constantly has potty accidents. *sigh*

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm not sure I do know what you're saying. Are you implying that boys and men tend to splash round the toilet?

Nah, we don't do we?!

Anonymous said...

I'm also the proud wrangler of a little man.

It is kinda fab to have a boy.

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

Great post Janna!! Being a mother of boys I can totally relate. I was happy when a girl finally came along though!

Sticky said...

Hi Janna!

I have a five year old boy (going on 40)
and 35 year old husband(going on 12)
and a dog that thinks she's a 5 year old boy...

I can totally relate!

great post!

The Blonde Duck said...

Great post!

Annie said...

I just have one 5 month old little I will keep all of these tips in mind...

I only had a mom all dad all sisters...a girl dog...and a girl cat....

I was a bit shocked to find out I was having a BOY!! BUT now that he is here, it all makes perfect sense :) He IS the bestest little thing ever :)

Mrs. M said...

Too funny. I am going to have to file this away for future reference. I was at a class today and there were lots of wild and crazy boys running around and I got a glimpse of my near-future and my near-future appears to be exhausting!

Lucy said...

What a great post!

You certainly seem to be getting the hang of BOYS!!

Unknown said...

Aw, thanks for all of the wonderful, kind words guys! You are all so sweet.

And of course our boys are perfect, each and every one of them, we just have to acknowledge that we might be a little biased!

Good luck Mighty M, MamaDuck, and Annie on your new journey!

jodi said...

wonderful guest blogger :)

Muppet Soul said...

This is equal parts funny and frightening.

I will not be able to handle worms.