Dear Gyno-Monster,

I'm not a fan of going to anything medical, dental, visionary, whatever. I'm a big fat baby. And all my doctors know it! I almost feel bad for them when I come in because they might have to put a little more effort into getting us through our appointment. I said almost bad, so that means I'm not. My own fear gobbles up anything trying to come close to it. Its fierce, my fear, and it will not back down until we are done.

I'm not speaking for all woman in the world but I have to say my most unpleasant trip to any doctor has to be for our yearly routine pap smear check up. It only lasts minutes, the whole thing, but my fear makes me believe it last a whole lot longer. Like maybe 10 minutes! :)

I don't know if it's the paper dress they make you put on, and wrapping the biggest bounty paper towel around you because the paper dress has turned into a paper vest and you need the coverage. I'm naked, vulnerable, wondering how everything down "there" is looking. I mean, that's a pretty private spot and now I'm sitting on a chair/bed thing with my legs in stirrups and wide open for someone I see maybe once a year. My husband doesn't even get that kind of treatment. HA!

Anyway, I've had quite a few gyno's throughout my life.

There was the time when I was 18, passed out from cramps/that time of the month, and unknowingly was about to face my FIRST time. Those poor chumps. They had their hands full with that girl!

And there was this other time I had a visit with Dr. Long Nails....Do those come off when you examine me?

Moving on the my favorite of favorite doctors...the one that helped me birth my first child into the world! Dr. Special I will call her. I don't know but this lady is something. I appreciated her tolerance of my phobia with medical professionals. When your seeing this person at least once a month when pregnant and more frequently when closer to due date, you can't help but to either completely dread the person handling your privates (hence the Gyno-Monster reference)or to absolutely fall in STAR love with the person who will help you bring to fruition a pretty intense thing for your cervix, uterus, whatever! She was patient, kind, funny, and I could relate to her. She was close to my age, also had a child, seemed like she could be one of my gal pals on the outside, you know, THAT person. I was more relaxed when going in. Which translates to relaxed legs when in stirrups...and you ladies know what I'm talking about!

DR: Uh, could you just relax your legs a little?
YOU: Aren't they?
DR: Well, your butts not even touching the table?! If you relax a little then we can do this. (Smile from Dr. hoping it will happen soon)
YOU: OK, i just relaxed.....
DR: Alright, just relax your butt muscles (not sure if this is the right thing they say, but usually I have to relax those too!)
YOU: mmmm, okay.
DR: GREAT! Your just gonna feel a little pinch....
YOU: (Internal Scream) HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! that's a little pinch?

Of course the doctor only hears your quick short breathing and not the scream that sounds like your getting murdered.

Sadly my favorite OBGYN found a great job with another hospital that didn't take my medical and I was off to find another replacement. Her current replacement they put us with was OK. But I didn't get that "YOUR THE ONE" vibe from her. I've just found one and I'm thinking she's "THE ONE". Cross fingers, cross fingers.

Enough rambling for now....

Patient Rambler signing off.