Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Homeless Man with a crappy bowel = Not a good day for The Rambler

Hells yah...It's iLove Tuesday Tunes over at Hotpants place.

So to start off this post I give you MY song for the week....

"Hey Soul Sister" by Train....(I heard this song and just fell in love...listen while I tell you the gory details of my horrendous first hour of work)

Okay...so while you listen (or not...whichever)...on to my most sh%&y of all work days. And when I say that word. I really mean shit.

Within a half an hour into us opening (some of you newbies around here, I run a restaurant)....an older man in his late 50's, who didn't 'appear' homeless, emerged out of my guests bathrooms. He quickly exited down the escalators and out the front doors.

In every space he occupied I could SMELL him. GAG.

Yes...I did say SMELL. GAG

Down the escalators to my outside cafe I went and realized his smell seemed to be human feces were slowly grasping hold of my nose hairs.

The kind of smell when your baby makes THAT poop whose smell sticks around long after the trash has been taken out.

Where snorting Clorox would be the only way to eliminate the crap smell holding on for dear life at the entrance of my nostrils.

Now being the boss, you have to do things YOU don't like...especially when the ones who clean the nasty stuff don't come until much later...(like when we close and I had JUST OPENED).

Not wanting to die alone in a men's restroom while looking for poo, I had to drag in my male accountant to inspect the bathroom. He went in first.

HE walked out with a hankie over his mouth, tears in his eyes and a cologne sample bottle.

All we could think of was this Poltergeist lady...

"May the power of Christ compel you, may the power of Christ compel you".

and cracked up in hysterics thinking of him waving holy cologne water at the poo left in places OTHER than the toilet bowl...

When I say OTHER...I mean everywhere OTHER than the toilet. It was like a scene in those horror movies where the local sheriff comes upon a murder scene and everywhere he looks that music plays and heightens as he sees more and more carnage...you get it...well that was this bathroom. Only I was gagging at heightened levels.

Boys and girls, I had reached 'Lost My Cookies From Last Year' threat level.

A huge mop, GAG burning hot water, a full bottle of bleach, GAG sanitizer,2 managers who haven't gagged that hard in a long time GAG, 1 brave employee (of course I commandeered someone ), 6 pairs of gloves, and a crap GAG ton of paper towels that bathroom was sparkling clean.

And that people was how my week started...GAG.