Monday, June 01, 2009

Oh Dear God....B-52 Cockroach & The Rambler.

Just when I was sitting here yearning for something tangible to write.

This happened.


When I say B-52, I am completely implying that they fly.

:shuddering:

It's hotter than a pig sweating the chopping block in Hawaii. The trade winds have taken their own vacation. Somewhere. Just not in Hawaii.

(Yeah, Yeah...You all are like take a friggin number Rambler. YOUR hot? Puh-lease)

Dream sequence fingers back to me.

Being hot, I had my lanai (porch) screen door open for extra air flow. Not realizing that the mammoth of a cockroach (which is extremely COMMON in Hawaii..Ask Pseudonymous High School Teacher or Tutu's Bliss. Or my other local blogger pals.) flapped it's ugly wings into my living room. It's movement distracted me to the point of getting uncomfortable.

I had a little big girl talk with myself (and the fact that my "not talking to my husband" pride wasn't dare going to ask him for help) to get a towel and whack the crap out of it.

:extreme shuddering:

I wildly and blindly went for the monster who took to walking on the ceiling. As I landed my first crazy whack....it took flight...for my face...

and

I.freaked.the.eff.out.

It's still somewhere and I just might take refuge in my car.

Because if I don't...this might happen.


Alright...tell me...how many of you just erched your back?

I need to go now...as I am writing this in the middle of the living room while sitting on my daughter dinner table.

It's safer.

Maybe.

The last time one of them suckers hid in my couch while we battled a year ago and what happened in the video happened to little ole' me.

Damn.

Think I'll kill the car battery tonight if I leave it on? You know, for the AC?

Cause if I leave the window open I can only imagine the nightmare of the shenanigans that will take place if the roach follows me to the car.

:shuddering intensely:

44 ramblings of your own:

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

i am no longer jealous of your hawaiian locale. ok, maybe still a little.

hotpants™ said...

I won't be retiring to Hawaii. That's for sure. Eeee!!!

pan x 8 said...

Everytime we come to Hawaii I don't sleep well thinking one of those boogers is going to come out!

Mammatalk said...

That just may be enough for me to keep me away from the islands. Eek.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Whenever I have a not from Hawaii colleague leave to move back to the Mainland AND they have a weeone, I buy them the book "How the B52 cockroach learned to fly."

Don't forget the centipedes... I'm just saying.

M said...

Ugh....shudder

Yeah, I can do bugs but that's no bug, that's a frickin mutant!!

vanover521 said...

i. hate. bugs.

i hear you. i'd NEVER venture back into that house as long as it was in there. yuck.

Housewife Savant said...

What if I shart m'self?

Should I keep that to m'self?

Okay.

Tooj said...

We have those b-52 cockroaches here in the middle of the U.S. too. I HATE them with all of my being. Freak me out. Ewww.

Stereos and Souffles said...

Holy disgusting! I'm in FL so I've seen plenty and hated plenty.

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Ahh that is so gross! And now I'll be thinking about those things crawling on me all day. Thanks

mo.stoneskin said...

One of the reasons I fear insects so much is that I suspect they are carrying a deadly nuclear arsenal.

Aunt of 14 said...

*SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER*

*AHEM*

*SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER* *SHUDDER*

Dang, look at my goosebumps!

Saskia said...

Shudders from me over here too...

Urgh, that thing is horrid. Makes me feel all itchy (does anyone else get itchy when thinking about insects?!)

Makes me just a tiny bit pleased I live in the cold, grey UK!

xx

TuTu's Bliss said...

LOL! Yep, tooo common. We had one, "BOB" who tried to take off with our microwave. I never knew cockroaches could fly until we came here but the good news...

NO SNAKES!!! ;)

OliveStreetStudio said...

this just brought me back to my NYC apartment when a similar flew in our unscreened window. Needless to say, whacking with a broom didn't do the trick. We never opened the windows again.
:-(

RT said...

Hhmm. Maybe I wont be staying with you. LOL why must you bring these things to my attention??????

Life, Love And Lola said...

Check out the size of that thing! Holy Shit! Glad I didn't bump into any of those while I was there!

Becky said...

I backed up to a field in Waikele so I used to get a ton of cane spiders that scared the crap out of me at first (D was there the first time and we were both freaking out and had a hard time ignoring it). I got used to them, but I still don't miss the HI bugs.

It's hotter here than normal, which is all relative to what you're used to. We're at low 80s this week which is really unusual for June (last year was still in the 50s). I prefer 75 -- just riiiiight.

Christina said...

Ewww.....Ewwww.....Ewwww!

Are you kidding me? Totally hate bugs... especially roaches. Hawaii has suddenly lost its appeal.

Martha said...

Cockroaches are not pleasant creatures. They sure do love the tropics.

WhisperingWriter said...

Okay, ew. I'd have freaked out too. Heck, I've been known to freak out over tiny spiders.

Ron said...

Wow...usually I'm not scared of bugs...in fact, when I'm in the jungle they dont even phase me...but damn, that's one big bug!!!

The One and Only said...

Forget shuddering, I'm retching. ICK!!!!!

Fiauna said...

Oh yuck! I hate cockroaches!

Sparcam said...

Here in Yuma, AZ, we often refer to them as "surfboards". Hate em, hate to kill em because they crunch. Love to visit Hawaii...it is Heaven on Earth...except for the bugs...aww crap, you don't think there's icky bugs in Heaven, do ya?

~Jamie said...

EEEWWWW! AHHHH! Grossneessss!

haha thanks for stopping by the blog! and good luck!!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Ugh!! You poor thing!!!

Does it help at all that YOU are the scary giant, bent on destruction to him?? Nah, didn't think so.

Hopefully you'll be talking to your hubby soon and he'll deal with it!

Grand Pooba said...

Eeeeek! I almost didn't leave a comment because my first instinct when I see bugs is to run and hide!


shudderssssss

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

S C A R Y ! ! !

I'm still coming back though!

Kalei said...

I still remember the one
that got stuck between the cap in my hat and my face....it flapped around and made a ssssssshhhssss sound. that was in Pearl City while jogging with a friend. The thing filled my palm with its body. When I threw it to the ground you could hear it hit........shuddder.....ewwwwww....ickkkkk.....body shiver.....thanks for the memories. =)
To this day those things freak me out, big or small.

Kalei said...

Oh, and don't forget about the Giant Moths! I call them the MOUS'es. Moths Of Unusual Size. (you know, like in the movie Princess Bride....only they had the Rodents of Unusual Size)Remember when mom would go after the ones that got in the house and would be flapping around on the ceiling?....Can I hear a EeeeeWWWWWWWWWWW? Yup, thats right!

Kalei said...

And that is Hilarious that Pseudonymous mentioned the HOW the B-52 Cockroach learned to fly! I totally think that should be next to my kids Dr. Seuss Books.

Vivienne said...

Going to find the cortizone cream and the benedryl for the psychosomatic creepy crawly itching you just caused me. And I'm going to take a shower too.

Just ew. I did not know HI had prehistoric godzilla bugs.

Shelley said...

I am ROTFLMAOff. That is so funny. Cause that's exactly what I would have been doing, except probably dancing without a shirt...LOL. What is the name of the song playing in the background?

Erin said...

Oh my ewwww! So gross! I live in southern Utah, and have heard that we have tarantulas in the fall. I really, really hope I never see one. But that B52 Cockroach looks awful!

Controlling My Chaos said...

EEEEEW. I would have the walking creepy willies too. May the force be with you.

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

Yikes, I positively despise creepy crawlies, especially roaches. And I live in Florida where they're so common that they're called palmetto bugs! Yuck, yuck, and yuck! Happy holidays, SITS style!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

We have them in Florida, too. They're more like bird than bugs!
Visiting from SITS linkup!

BLOGitse said...

I know, I know - we have them too but not this time of year!
When we have them, we have them a LOT! But mostly outside, sigh!

Happy SITSmas from Cairo!
ps. great shot!

Karen said...

Stoppin in from SITS

I am screaming alon with you. I hate all bugs, OH THE TERROR!

Karen

Jenny said...

Visiting from SITS and possibly not glad I did. We had a roach thing this summer which we've never had before and I detested it. Ick. Still makes me shudder. But I signed up to follow you anyway. Hoping you won't have too many roach stories!

Hanawahine said...

NASTY! i had 6 of those buggahs invading my house 1 weekend. they not only fly but they fly fast and right at your face! so you know they not afraid of you. i invested in those bigass combat bait traps for 'large roach' (i got them at lowes) and havent seen 1 in da house since. i killed one outside on my lanai lately. if you see them even if outside you should kill them otherwise you know they about to go inside your house. i think they invade your house when it rains and their homes outside are flooded or if its like dry bad heat in da house and/or if dark. and slippah whacking sucks since they fly. arm yourself with simple green and fly swatters to physically combat da b52 especially should they fly right at you. da simple green is for ranged attack so to dampen da buggahs wings/body including in midair so that it makes it harder for them to fly/move and i heard its corrosive (to da insect, only an irritant to us) so it may eat away at its body/wings plus its biodegradable so it wont poison up your house like da raid. da fly swatter is so you got some reach which is better than using slippahs especially if they fly (two fly swatters/one in each hand can be use to disrupt da air current to make a flying buggah crash to da floor though ive tried it on da peskiest of flies and not a b52 yet). also i would recommend da combat bait traps for 'large roach' around your house (be sure to keep your keiki and pets away from them). hoyhoys work too but unless you want to tend to your roach wax museum every now and then, forget it. i would call da "australian” (though orginated from tropical asia) cockroach as da true b52. they look like da "american" cockroach but are actually slightly smaller with da distinctive yellow band ring on its head (it looks like yellow/golden surrounding a batman symbol). it may look fairly big like 2-3 inches because its living in paradise which ho sistah its not just paradise for us but for them too and you just live with their world. da "american" cockroach (i would call false b52) is da largest and can fly but are poor fliers actually compared to da "aussie" cockroach which is quite a capable flier. whatever it is, remember if it flys then you need weapons! finally dogs and cats work too, my friend told me her pit bull killed one, but i think cats work better being more nimbler and they will torture da roach as its best new toy which is ho FUNNY. enough rambling ARM yourself with da simple green, fly swatters, equip your house with bigass combat traps, and have a cat or preferably 2 (they clean themselves especially if related and both female) that can scale walls and/or jump 5ft into da air (so to pounce)!

Hanawahine said...

NASTY! i had 6 of those buggahs invading my house 1 weekend. they not only fly but they fly fast and right at your face! so you know they not afraid of you. i invested in those bigass combat bait traps for 'large roach' (i got them at lowes) and havent seen 1 in da house since. i killed one outside on my lanai lately. if you see them even if outside you should kill them otherwise you know they about to go inside your house. i think they invade your house when it rains and their homes outside are flooded or if its like dry bad heat in da house and/or if dark. and slippah whacking sucks since they fly. arm yourself with simple green and fly swatters to physically combat da b52 especially should they fly right at you. da simple green is for ranged attack so to dampen da buggahs wings/body including in midair so that it makes it harder for them to fly/move and i heard its corrosive (to da insect, only an irritant to us) so it may eat away at its body/wings plus its biodegradable so it wont poison up your house like da raid. da fly swatter is so you got some reach which is better than using slippahs especially if they fly (two fly swatters/one in each hand can be use to disrupt da air current to make a flying buggah crash to da floor though ive tried it on da peskiest of flies and not a b52 yet). also i would recommend da combat bait traps for 'large roach' around your house (be sure to keep your keiki and pets away from them). hoyhoys work too but unless you want to tend to your roach wax museum every now and then, forget it. i would call da "australian” (though orginated from tropical asia) cockroach as da true b52. they look like da "american" cockroach but are actually slightly smaller with da distinctive yellow band ring on its head (it looks like yellow/golden surrounding a batman symbol). it may look fairly big like 2-3 inches because its living in paradise which ho sistah its not just paradise for us but for them too and you just live with their world. da "american" cockroach (i would call false b52) is da largest and can fly but are poor fliers actually compared to da "aussie" cockroach which is quite a capable flier. whatever it is, remember if it flys then you need weapons! finally dogs and cats work too, my friend told me her pit bull killed one, but i think cats work better being more nimbler and they will torture da roach as its best new toy which is ho FUNNY. enough rambling ARM yourself with da simple green, fly swatters, equip your house with bigass combat traps, and have a cat or preferably 2 (they clean themselves especially if related and both female) that can scale walls and/or jump 5ft into da air (so to pounce)!