Friday, July 24, 2009

And happened.

I know I've been bitter Betty lately....or Negative Nancy.

Whatever name that describes crankiness and as non-tolerant as one can has my picture next to it.

But for a brief moment this week I was given a gift.

I witnessed for the first time the birth of a baby.

Yes, that's right. My first time.

I know I'd given birth to one, but it's quite different being on the other end of the spectrum.

If you ask around these Rambler parts, I do NOT have the strongest stomach. My gag reflex and vomit button are connected to my 2 senses that are vital to being of any help.

Smell and sight.

So just because I might be able to close my eyes to help you, if something is pretty narly smelling on you chances are.....the gag reflex is gonna trigger the vomit in me and I'm a mess. And you still need help...well, now WE both need help.

My own mother wasn't sure how I was gonna deliver.

When my cousin (you know, the one who I mentioned forced me to read Twilight...I swear, last time, as I've managed to slip in Twilight AGAIN) called me Monday morning and invited me to be in the hospital room as she gave birth later that first and most natural instinct response was

"Of fricking course. Call me when you actually get a room and settled"

Erm, who am I and what did I do with myself?

It was her third and that crazy it's my first child I'll get to the hospital a zillion hours early with my family and a BBQ in tow was of her past.

I had prior plans to meet the BFF's and have a girls night out and still had time to do it.

While dining early with the girls, I had had a glass of wine and had received text messages that she had finally got a room...cause it was 'busy' and so the low priority pregnant ladies had to wait until a room was available. Can you imagine? Waiting for a room and being pregnant and wanting to just give birth already?

Anywho....I'd had a glass of wine like I mentioned and I had questions. My two BFF's were present at the birth of Lil Rambler and I asked..."How bad was it?"

They know me. They know I'm weak in the stomach.

My BFF was funny.

" smelt like vagina??" said not in a disgusting way, just trying to get across to be prepared.

"WHAT?" me totally being a drama queen and thinking I was going to vomit.

"Maybe wet vagina, I guess?" Important because I use this very sentence front of medical professionals.

"Oh. God." Me...sweating BFF's laughing cause again, I. am. dramatic.

Another glass of wine and I was on my way to the hospital...with words of wisdom from them.

"Don't pass out...remember it's about the baby."

I get there. I call for the room number again because my two glasses of wine brain couldn't remember and the last thing I wanted to do was walk into the wrong room with some pregnant lady and whoever was supporting at some inappropriate time.

I threaten my cousins husband via the phone that if he sends me to the wrong room because he's bored...I'll kick his ass in the hallway. He laughs. I swear more, but whisper swearing out of respect for where I am.

I open the door with hesitation.

Whew. Its the right door.

My cousin and I have been with each other since her birth. Our mothers are sisters. We did EVERYTHING together. It's like we are sisters really.

As cousin-sisters we reveled in the art of drama. We live it, breathe it, love it.

She says as I appear a little nervous and says she's sorry and if I wanted to turn around and run, not to worry.

I plop down on the chair next to her husband and say...I'm here for the long haul baby.

The nurse is there. Checking the baby's vitals, my cousins fluids that seem to be plenty that are hooked to her arms. I'm nervous. So...

For some damn reason.....I actually asked...(not really sure who I directed this question to)

"So...does the room really smell like wet Va-jay-jay when it gets near?"

Goddamn glasses of wine!!

That's it. My cousin and her husband laughed. The nurse giggled.

Hours later. My mouth in check...the big moment came.

I did good. My cousin was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

New found respect for Mothers. NEW.FOUND.RESPECT.

And then folks....a new little 'drama' queen was born to my family and the biggest smile my face had graced all month showed itself.


Happy Birthday to my littlest sister today!! 24. Where does the time go!


30 ramblings of your own:

Princess Andy said...

good for you for holding your cookies!

i was there for my sisters two kids, and it is certainly a different perspective.

totally exciting, but without the pain of your own vagina ripping.


Cammie said...

this was hysterical. I was able to witness 2 of my nephews being born and it was so awesome being a c-section mom. However I will never forget my husband telling me when the Drs broke my water that it was "gross"
no kidding moran? It has been up my hoo ha for 40 weeks.

Anonymous said...

That was great! I can't believe you really asked that. If I were your cousin I may have broke my water laughing so hard. Glad this helped pull you out of your mood...although we could never tell you were in one.

BIBI said...

What a trooper. You handled that well. The last birth I saw was of an acquaintance who I just HAPPENED to accompany to the hospital.
Four hours later her son was born, and I had fainted two hours earlier as the anesthesiologist gave her an epidural. Not. Good.

Glad your day turned out okay!

Aunt of 14 said...

Congrats go all around! You did it! :)

MammaDucky said...

I'm going to have child #3 JUST so you can attend and make me laugh. I'll let you know the details at some later date.

Martha said...

Congratulations to the New Mommy and Baby too and Of Course, The Rambler!! xx

Becky said...

I videotaped my niece being born at Tripler (my bro was in Afghanistan) and that was my first and only witness of a birth. I have to admit that there is an odd odor to it, esp. when the placenta comes out. The room smelled like a sweaty va-jay-jay to me, but then you kind of get over it when you think of the cute baby :)

Annie said... go girl...i didnt 'really' want to be there for the birth of my OWN baby b/c of the gross-out factor....way to hold it together...

and what better way to get rid of a 'debbie downer' than a brand new little baby!!

Anonymous said...

I may have to read this one again. I can't believe you did that. How many glasses of wine did you have again? Ahahahaha!

Lisa said...


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blueviolet said...

You did NOT say this: "So...does the room really smell like wet Va-jay-jay when it gets near?"

I'm sure I would have cried like a big baby witnessing it. It's a miracle each and every time!

the ungourmet said...

I witnessed the birth of my nieces. It truly is a life altering experience. I don't remember now what it smelled like though. ;0)

Aubrey said...

I have never been on the other end (well, that is beside the day I was BORN)of a delivery. I think it would be exciting. And although my gag reflex is in check, my tears are not. I'd be an emotional wreck. LOL

Good times!

JennyMac said...

Absolutely love this story and the way you told it! LOL. Although I could have gone all morning with out "wet va jay jay smell" LOL.

Controlling My Chaos said...

What an awesome opportunity. And I love that you said that out loud. You broke the ice. :)

Erin said...

What a great opportunity! I'm glad the wine helped you relax just a little bit :)

FranticMommy said...

THAT was HYSTERICAL! you are a hoot! I am with ya though. Our oldest is adopted and I was in the room when he was born. Absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Period.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!

The Chrysanthemum said...

"Wet Vagina" hmmmm...I wonder which one of the BFF's said THAT...hahaha...

Ron said...

Wow! I can't imagine being with someone as they give birth. It's an unappetizing feeling. I'd probably faint and wish I'd been pregnent myself.

But now I know the secret--two glases of wine.

OliveStreetStudio said...

ha ha! good story! I didn't watch-with-the-mirror when I had dear daughter...hubby said he'd seen MORE than he'd expected to....but who knows? Maybe I'll take your lead if I'm given the opportunity!! Happy Sunday!

Kristina with a K said...

Haha you are cracking me up! Yeah, I could never ever watch something like that. I caught a glimpse once on a documentary and have been scarred ever since.

Fiauna said...

I was in the room when my niece was born. I don't remember the . . . um . . . smell. Ha ha.

You're so funny. Thanks for the giggle today.

mo.stoneskin said...

I think they should send you round the delivery rooms just to cheer people up.

Shorty said...

Wow. You're one tough cookie with a softie heart. I love it! So glad you got to be part of such a wonderful thing!

Vivienne said...

Good job holding your lunch. Now it appears if you could just hold your tongue you could train to be a doula! :)

Shan said...

That was great! But I still want to know... does it?!?

Brittany said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

You are hilarious!!!!

I was my SIL's birthing coach, but I don't remember a "smell." I'm so glad that I was not sniffing for it!!! :)

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

watching a baby be born (not from yourself) is a life changing event!!