Friday, September 18, 2009

Long Absence makes the blogheart fonder....tales of sex shops, bridal parties, and other misc. things


Did I get you at sex shop?

Did you just go back to read my title?

I know...where the hell I been right?

RIGHT!?

You've missed me a bit?

Right?

I realize it's been over 3 whole weeks since I've posted last...that's like 3 years in blogtime I think. Where do I start?

Maybe...the sex shop?

Yeah. Alright. You twist my arm, I talk. (Rambler stretching arm toward you)

**************

I'm not a frequent goer to the sex shop. I blush every time I pass one. I pretend I don't know about things like dildo's and blow up dolls.

So when BFF's bridal party sleepover came up, it was time to suck it up (my courage, you dirty's) and put on the sexy no grandma style panties and drag my Crackity Crack Family BFF with me. She vacations in Hawaii from California and I tell her she must go with me.

Our husbands watch the kids....and we go. At nighttime....since for some reason it seems more seedy and appropriate to walk into a sex shop for bachlorette toys and games. I debated wearing a sign that said that.

We drive there, and I'm giggling. Me and the CCFBFF talk about the crazy things they sell in there. (NOT that we would KNOW things like that). I told her the last time I walked in about 2 years ago for a past bridal shower I threw, the cashier screamed a welcome as I entered so others would look at the new 'arrival'. (FOR.THE.LOVE.)

I was alone. It was intimidating looking at boobies, and va jay jays and ding dongs because they can't help but jump at you as you make your way to the bacholerette section in the FAR rear of the store.

Going with someone is soooo much better. More giggling....more snickers...and wonder of how something so ahem, cough, ...big...could be comfortable. Let alone pleasurable.

Anywhoodle. Complete with dirty charade games and stick the slong on the hot macho man poster and candies with naughty words on it, we were outta there. (THANK.GOD.)

But not without scaring a couple with our conversation walking back to the car that included words like "What do they do to the plastic sheep?"..."Anal beads??" "Double headed??? What does that mean?"

Ahhhh, it's all about the good times in life...RIGHT?

************
My family was visiting in town and somehow I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and got more domesticated than I ever have.

It's great hosting family. No, for real. I had a good time doing it.

We tourist'ed around Oahu, put my diet on a serious scare due to excessive junk food eating, and let the sun bake my profoundly white skin back to a normal Hawaiian skinned color.

**************

So the bridal shower was great. Some of her besties got together. We had such grand plans of streaking through the 5 star hotel after dinner, jumping in the pool, or checking out the lagoons. Drinking like when we were 19.

But we weren't 19.

We had a fantastic dinner at a restaurant down the road, drank good wine, ate amazing food and closed the restaurant down. (I know Hip Hop Hippie...I know...baddddd Rambler)

And the hotel shuttle that was supposed to be there due to this answer when I asked the driver how long the shuttle ran.

"Every half hour"

Apparently that was NOT correct. So we walked it back....which was totally fine. So 5 drunk girls walk around 11ish back to the hotel.

We got back to the room and we slowly realized we couldn't hang like the old times.

The bride passed out first, and then before I knew it I was snoring like a banshee.

************

So maybe I'll stop here... I'm slowly making it back into reading everyone's blog soon.

And I'm wishing my first lil sis Antibloggedy luck and support today. She's making a hellavu decision today.

Until later folks.

27 ramblings of your own:

Близнецы said...

We missed you. :)

Love the sex shop story its too much LOL.

Welcome Back!

Lev

Saskia said...

Oh Rambler I've missed you!

The familyhosting sexshopventuring bachelorettepartying all sounded so fun!!

Not sure about the plastic sheep??! It's probably best I didn't know!

Saskia x

hiphophippie.com said...

I miiiiiiissssed you!!!!! So glad though that the time was spent fabulously! And I think you're the only person in the entire world who I wouldn't be upset at for closing a restaurant down!! Everyone else though? Head in a blender. :)

MammaDucky said...

All is right in the world, now that you're back.

Perhaps this will knock me back into bloggydom.

Kalei said...

This is awesome! I can see you and RT doubled over and the cashier was probably rolling her eyes at the "fresh meat".

Thanks for the support, no specifics on public domain. I just haven't been feeling 100% and need to take care of that.

Love you!

mo.stoneskin said...

I can't believe you and your friend wore grandma pants to a sex shop and ate junk food there. Or did I read that wrong?

The Blonde Duck said...

You've had so much fun!

Kathy B! said...

No wonder you've been gone so long! YOu've ben trolling around the sex shops ;)

Mighty M said...

I did go back to read the title. ;-) Missed you, glad you've been soooo busy!

blueviolet said...

You've been missed big time! I've never been in a sex shop. I'll bet I wouldn't even know what half the stuff is for. Really.

Martha said...

Welcome Back, sounds like fun, fun, fun w/the girlfriends. Nothing like latex and alcohol to make the PAR-TAY!!
Big ((Hugs)), off to check on your sweet Sis, thanks.

Shan said...

Okay!!! So first I sighed a sigh of relief (no, really... I was dreading it showing, "four weeks ago"... if that happened I figured real life got you and you were never coming back *shudder*), THEN I went back and checked out the title again.

Missed you so. Glad you're back.

Ron said...

Thank, God I'm not a bride!
I was pushed into a sex shop one time when I was 15...the owner ran after me and caught me by the shirt collar. Bastard made me call my mom! I never went into a sex shop again after that day.

Definately missed you! Write more!
Have a great weekend,
Ron

Housewife Savant said...

"...the cashier screamed a welcome ...(FOR.THE.LOVE.)"
I would have melted.
You were alone?
I would have disappeared, prayed for death, or ran from the shop.

You're brave. You're crazy. And you're not 19 so youth is no excuse.

I'm really glad you're back!

Becky said...

The last time I went to one of those stores was in HI and I brought my guy friend. Big mistake as he was screaming across the store "Does X need a silver bullet?" So embarassing.

Glad you guys had a good time -- I looked at Dee's FB site and didn't see any pictures :(

JennyMac said...

Well, you have had a very good reason to be away...LOL.

Welcome back.

Shawn said...

Great to have you back! Hope to see you around my blog again sometime....

jineen said...

missed you so much! i have been meaning to go to a good sex shop, guess i am better prepared now:)

i wish i was 19 again so i could handle my liquor. oh hell i just wish i could have liquor rightnow.

Dorkys Ramos said...

Sounds like you've been up to some fun! Glad to hear the party went so well :)

Megan said...

LOL I make it a priority to get all my bride friends and family naughty toys / games. I've done my fair share of sex-shop shopping. So funny!!

Glad you had a good time with your fam and the bachelorette party!

Janna Bee said...

Yay! Glad you are back- I've missed you :)

RT said...

LOL!!! What fun that was. And really, what is the sheep for? and the pig? ;) wink wink

Mammatalk said...

You've been missed.

Love the sex shop story.

K said...

Welcome back!

This post definitely should produce some interesting search results. You're bound to get some interesting visitors stumbling on your blog.

And you definitely had me at sex shop.

WhisperingWriter said...

Sex shop! Hah. I'm too shy to go into one of those.

Welcome back!!!

Stephanie Faris said...

What fun! We have a Hollywood Hustler in Nashville...it's a more open type of adult store. People go there in groups, for fun, so you don't feel that stigma you feel when you go to one of those underground type places. Still, they have things in there that will make you blush. For some reason it doesn't bother me as much, though, when it's in a store that looks like a smaller Wal-Mart!

The Demigoddess said...

Welcome back, Rambler. We have missed you. There are no sex shops in the Philippines, at least not that I am aware of (and I have been looking for like forever!) It will be too much fun to shop at the sex shop if there was one here. This is how a come back post should be like: entertaining and witty.