Running. An addiction I hate to love.

Running.

I don't understand, but I just know I do it. I hate it. I don't like doing it. But I love that I hate it and I can't stop.

I ran my first half marathon a couple weeks ago. That was a two year in the making process to get me mentally able to do it. That is 13.1 miles. Who in God's name enjoys that. And at the ass crack of morning. No one likes ass crack. So you get my point when I say how early you get up.

As I got into my 5th mile, I remembered this same run the year before. I had opted for the 15k part of it and scoffed at my friend, but stared hard at her like a Goddess in Adidas, and said you are mother flipping cray cray. I whined, I cried internally and externally. I walked A LOT.

Not this time. I was in my zen zone. I wanted this and I didn't want to be a quitter. Don't get me wrong...I still cried internally when the road inclined slightly. (Silently praying for some button to make the incline disapper). Mile 6. Mile 7. Mile 8...you get it...Mile 10. Hell to the yeah. Ms. Encouragement Award should have been thrown my way.

3 more to go. You are an animal.

Mile 10.2. A hot meltdown of epic Rambler porportions started to erupt within every cell in my body and I started shutting down. I pulled my sweaty phone out of my arm band and I placed a batman distress call to my CCBFF. We talked. She listened to me and maintained the positivity for my sanity. We talked about not farting...we listened to me choke on a bug...and then decided I needed to resume.

That was the hardest 3 miles of my running life.  I knew I was close.  And it was a pure mental battle with myself to not quit and beg people all my credit cards, monopoly money, bottles of liquor to save my life.  I'm dramatic.  I know.  But the struggle was real.

BUT...I did it.  I frigging did it.  When I crossed that finish line, I wanted to hug anyone that would let a strange person who's body was laced head to toe with dirty smelly sweat.  I wanted to scream out loud that I did it.  The humble don't draw attention to herself girl I am just bit my lip, to hold the emotionally almost out of control liquid on the corner of my eyes in.

Running.   The thing I hate to love and love to hate.