From: HR Exercise fairy in charge
RE: Um, really, you don't know why your getting this?
DATE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow?
We at the Human Resources for Exercise Inc. have noticed your attendance to Exercise land has been...well zilch!
Yes, we received your email stating you were pregnant and that your toes resembled little pork sausages. (clearing our throats here Ma'am but that was 2 years ago.)
Yes, we understand as a new parent you prefer sleep. (Look, your not gonna get it back, so you need to face it. Stop whining about it!)
Yes, we received your other emails stating your frustration that running up and down your 2 level restaurant, moving kegs of beer, boxes of soda, and lifting trays of food does should count as your daily dose of exercise. (Look, I could say the same thing here as I type this memo out to you...it's hard work...my fingers need a break...ow, ow, ow, I'm tired...get my point? There needs to be more!)
As a result of this lack of physical activity that should produce weight loss we have decided to send you out our BEST motivational personal trainer. He's a little on the rough side, but hey we here at Exercise Inc. will never give up on improving the quality of your life. That is our commitment to you!
Here's a snippet of the program your new trainer may put you through...
For security measures our personal trainer likes all his recruits...I mean clients to have a safe word in case the training gets too intense. Yours from previous trainers have been..."MOTHEROFGOD" We didn't think that was one word, but you were extremely adamant that this word would come out as one.
We hope you enjoy this second chance at becoming the skinny you again...or some version of it.
The HR Exercise Fairy in Charge
1 hour ago