Thursday, January 29, 2009

Think About It Thursdays...#6

It's that time already to Think About It!

I had so much fun with all your funny comments last week in regards to the question:

"if you were part of a band, what role would you take: lead singer, guitar, piano, drummer, back-up, dancer, or set designer? and what would your theme song be and why?"

Mamma Ducky @ Princesses & Pickles wrote:

Most definately lead singer, seeing as how I've been there done that, lol. Yeah, full on red leather pants, rock t-shirt and weird braids in my hair.
Anyway, my theme song would probably have to be "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." Is that totally lame? Oh wait! Maybe "Brick House"!!!
My advice to fellow rock banders: stay away from the boys in the band. They can be so taching on your love life.


On to this week's question which again did not come from the book but a question Lady with a View had left me in regards to my Hello I'm pissed Off post. Blog material Lady!

"I know you will get creative and find some nonverbal ways to get him back into the game.....can't wait for that post."

So the question...

"Have you done creative and non-verbal ways to get back at the ones you love to get them back into the game?"

Oh and in keeping the word verification alive....BUREC, if you so accept the challenge. Anyone can leave me next week's WV word? (cough, cough..anyone)

6 ramblings of your own:

kalei said...

ooooooooh you took my question and used it.....i feel sooooooo special. Do i win anything? also, did you do the keyboard thing yet?

Becky said...

Admittedly when I was younger, I'd be so pissed at my ex that I'd do something like pour all of his alcohol down the sink. But you know what, it never worked -- it only made him think I was an idiot and it made it even harder to get him to see my point of view. We just went in a downward spiral of who could hurt the other more and we never recovered from it (hence, the divorce).

With Ted, he pretty much told me that he will not "guess" at anything that I try to do. If I have an issue or want him to do something, I need to speak with him directly about it or else he'll assume that nothing's wrong.

So the only "non verbal" thing I do with Ted is give him the silent treatment and that's mostly so I don't say anything I might regret, when my temper is at its worst.

Tooj said...

Gosh...this is a tough question. I'm not sure I have an answer for you.
(literally 20 minutes later.....)
I have a Hubs who doesn't do so well picking up after himself. Especially the dirty clothes in the bathroom. I've left them all sitting there, and waited for him to realize they were THERE, in the WAY. It never worked, and I got mad. I might have yelled. I'm not sure since I always block out the things I do wrong. I find that to be "burec"ratically correct.

Kalei said...

This is a hard one. I can think of "get backs" for others (keyboard JERK), but when it comes to C the game things don't work. I am no good at this one.

Lady with a View said... reality is much different than most people. My husband has communication problems (he's working on them). I could say, "I need "X"" and he would hear, "She's going to buy "Y"". Look at it this way - there are many different ways to learn. Some people learn by hearing, some by reading, some by seeing (movie) some need a combination. The same is true in communication. Some people only need to verbally hear it. They have the skills to take that information and act on it. Other people do not have these skills and may always struggle.

That's a big disclaimer - but I think you get the point. So - in my situation - what ended up being "creative, non-verbal" communication was really about setting priorities.

For example - laundry left all over the house/on the floor. If I continuously pick up said laundry, wash it, fold it and put it away - I build up resentment because it leaves me LESS time to do what i need or want to with my kids. So - I buy a hamper with a lid. I put it in his closet. I gladly pick up all his laundry and put it in the hamper. The washing, folding, putting away moves to the bottom of my priority list because I don't have time. Not very creative example..but you get the gist.

Now - I have had the issue with the everything everywhere. Here is what I did. One day - I boxed up 80% of it and stored it out of sight and out of reach. This meant that the kids had less "toys" - so we had to spend more time with them to entertain and interact. (This was the silver lining). When he asked me about it - I reminded him that I had asked him for help and that he had not had time. I told him I didn't have time to maintain it either - so I fixed the problem.( I figured if I was responsible for 100% of the maintenance - I could make the decision without consensus). My kids were a little older than yours - they were 3&5 I think and actually helped me box stuff up. Eventually - we brought some of it back and gave some of it away. When we brought it back though it gave us an opportunity to CLEARLY spell out roles/responsiblities. He actually built shelving in the basement and we rotated the "stuff" that was in the main living area.

I did not intend to infer that game playing is the answer ~ but rather that if you figure out what you really want, what your priorities are and then CREATIVELY figure out a way to make sure that happens, you will find that you have communicated non-verbally with the one you love.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS - the first thing you should do is try to talk about it - and negotiate with an open mind and heart.

Becky said...

Based on Lady with a View's comment, I interpreted the question differently -- it almost seemed like it was more about revenge/how to deal with frustration, than trying to find a mutually agreeable solution to your domestic issues. But my answer would probably be the same, even with Ted -- we have to talk it out b/c he wouldn't pick up on any non-verbal cues otherwise.