Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I hate dentists....and they hate me.



No question.

I'm the world's worst dental patient.

EVER.

No, really. EVERRRRRR.

I'm 17 and haven't been at the dentist in over 2 years. Creative manipulation of a poor overworked single mother (guilt-ridden over this...I'm so gonna get mine with Lil Rambler).

The kind pediatric dentist that really "understood" me had to pass me on to his nephew because I was a 'big girl' now.

No. No I'm Not. You know this. That's why I squeeze myself in the kiddie chair at 17 to have YOU work on my mouth. YOU have magic fingers. I go to a place filled with unicorns and rainbows when YOU stick that damn drill in my mouth.

Nephew dentist....is nothing like his uncle. He's the most impatient person you could give an anxiety filled teenager like myself.

We knew there would be trouble when I gagged aggressively while X-raying my mouth and the X-ray thingies flew out of my mouth and hit the wall.

Several times.

Sheeshnacks hit the fan when he told me I needed a root canal. The only memory I recalled of a root canal was a story my father told another friend about that being the worst thing to ever have done at the dentist. I believe I heard this story in like '79 at the age of 4 but somehow felt like in '93 they still used the same methods as the first dentists to graduate from dental school.

I panicked.

I came up with several excuses someone my age could come up with.

"I have prom coming up." (his eyebrows went up while he sharpened his mean evil dental tools)

"My B-Ball tournament is tomorrow."
(The bastard actually holds the needle to numb my mouth so I can see it....seriously do you want me to faint right here?)

"My boyfriend and I have plans" (Wait...Wait...Wait....you promise I won't...Ouch...)

"My mother won't be able to drive me here"
(And my mouth has been injected. He walks out to wait out for the numbing to work its way to make me sound like a moron on a drunken rampage)

He drills.

He drills some more.

He yanks on my mouth.

He puts some fake puddy in the hole he just put in my bad tooth.

I need to come back for part two. He says VERY IMPORTANT.

1.5 years later (oh yes....that long. I'm stupid like that.) my fake temporary tooth cracks. I go into complete pain, and have to call the dentist.

He was NOT happy.

I got a lecture. What part of come back for Part Two did I not understand.

I didn't eff up the part one of two that bad that he could do the part two part. (you get that?)

To do this root canal they had to put a plastic dam shield (keep crap from going down my throat) with a clamp on the tooth he needed to work on. This is shoved in my mouth as far back in as he could get it without suffocating me.

Whatever I do, per him, I must let him finish the whatever was so important part or he'll have to start again.

Gagger + Mouth breather= choking on spit accumulating on plastic dam dripping down my throat.

He was frantic and quickly tried to finish as I dry heaved in the seat with this contraption clamped to my mouth with a clamp handle ready to puncture a hole in the plastic dam and go down my throat.

He BEGS for 45 more seconds.

I Dry Heave more.

It's a no go.

Very unhappy dentist.

Second time around proved better but has put him late for his next appointment.

I just had to come back for my crown to pop on and he made it clear that this situation would be a repeat if I didn't come back to get this done.

I listened.

Seriously people....run if you see me in your dentists office waiting room.

For your own safety.


33 ramblings of your own:

mo.stoneskin said...

I also gag with those stupid x-ray things in my mouth. That's why I don't go to the dentist any more!

Jodi said...

Oh no! I don't like the dentist either! LOL!

Housewife Savant said...

They call it a "dam" so even religious fundies can describe it accurately.

Furry Bottoms said...

I absolutely hate dentists too. The dental hygenists hate to work on me because I always yelp BEFORE they even touch me and it scares the beejeezus out of them, each time. See, I am a calm quiet person so a yelp out of me is unusual to them. That, however, did give me a feeling of power...

Unknown said...

frig sakes.

thank you for the ass laugh.

it took me 9 years to go to the dentist again finally last year.

the bitch found a tiny cavity.

awful.

but i did get it filled.

and haven't returned since.

but the bastards keep calling to remind me about coming for a cleaning.

are they kidding?

that's like expecting people to sit still while you pluck their pubic hairs one by one.

i think i would have to go for sedation dentistry if a root canal was ever mentioned.

Saskia said...

Poor you. Having dental work done is awful. I had to have 2 surgeries on my gums including gum-grafts. Never again!

Fiauna said...

I went twelve years without seeing the dentist. Until my husband put his foot down. He set up the appointment for me with a dentist friend of his. And now, I have a mouth full of bright and shiny new fillings.

Anonymous said...

*sigh*.
I'm due for a crown on one side, and a root canal on the other. from 2 years ago. I still won't go. we have a hate-hate relationship, too.

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

I hear ya... I hate the dentist too! And I also had a similiar dam experience.

MammaDucky said...

Last visit I was told I needed my wisdom teeth out. I didn't even know the bastards were in there. WHy do I need them out?? I'll tell you why, because they enjoy torturing people and collecting insurance money. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

~pen~ said...

I used to be the same way as a kid! Then when I finally went back to the dentist 2 years ago...its wasn't good. I guess when you skip the dentist for hmm...12 years, there is heck to pay, boy have I. However, its not as bad as I thought it was back then. Specially when you get that script for Viocdin. :$ Just kidding, no but seriously, its all worth it when there is no more pain in your mouth... You crack me up by the way, I can so picture you in the chair bartering with the dentist....haha. have a great day!

Unknown said...

I gag when they use the x-ray bite downs as well. The dentist is a hard visit for most -- I had it easy until just over a year ago and I had a cracked tooth and wound up with a crown and they messed it up at first and my tooth still doesn't feel quite right (but now I don't have dental insurance so I have to wait).

Me (aka Danielle) said...

Wow! And I thought I was bad!!

The Blonde Duck said...

I kicked a dentist once.

I snarl at the rest.

I feel your pain!

Heather said...

You're not the worst! :-) I worked as a dental assistant for a few years before I was married and OMG, the worst are the ones who throw up all over your hands and then ask you to continue with the exam. It's like man, you gagged once, let us medicate you and then exam you. I know want your puke on my hands again!!

Anonymous said...

I have become a huge flosser and brusher in the hopes that I never have to endure anything that awful again. Going to the dentist is the worst.

Erin said...

That is so funny! My mom seriously has her dentist prescribe her Valium, and every time she goes to the dentist, she takes it 30 minutes before she goes, and has someone drive her there and take her home, because she is such a wreck at the dentist.

Good luck getting any work done at the dentist!

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Seven years ago I had a root canal with minimal anesthetic. I told that nasty woman I could feel everything and she basically said, "oh, suck it up; it will just be a minute". Well it wasn't just a minute and I literally sobbed all the way through.

Never went back until two weeks ago when I finally had to because I broke a tooth. Different dentist, of course. They are promising me pain-free dentistry. Yeah. We'll see.

Tricia said...

Thanks for the visit! I am loving Sits but I am just now getting the time to go through all the comments and comment back!
As far as the dentist goes, I am worse then you. I developed nerve damage a few years ago, and I have no enamel on my teeth, so novicane does nothing. So for the dentist to do ANYTHING but look in my mouth I have to be put to sleep. My insurance doesnt cover it, so I havent been in three years and I know I have at least 14 cavities, 1 broken molar and one broke crown. Talk about suckage, wheres a dental make over when you need one! (btw I do brush, three times a day lol, but no enamel means no protection on your teefs)

Sticky said...

Awful, just awful...I'm so sorry!

I don't go. I'm not going. You can't make me (holding on to all 4 wisdom teeth, with both hands)

Unknown said...

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. My kids go to the dentist faithfully, but me, well it's been ... um ... too long.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Funny in My Mind said...

I detest going as well. I would rather give birth with pain killers. I had terrible experiences as a child and cancel every cleaning now until my husband makes me go. I have panic attacks. My son has had 3 root canals, knocked out 2 front adult teeth, and never bats an eye.

jmt said...

I am a terrible patient too...not quite like yours...I just stop going. Screw it. I'll get dentures. It's that bad...my anxiety. I hate the look on their faces when they think I've ruined my teeth with a sweet tooth.

Shawn said...

I hate dentists, also. I have had about 6 root canals and now all my crowns are coming out, from stupid dentists that didn't secure them in the first place---DON'T get me started!!!!

Amy said...

It must be dentist season or something. I just had 2 fillings done yesterday (on the same side of my mouth, one upper one lower) and I'm STILL in pain! Freakin' dentists and their freakin' pain working machines! I HATE them all!

Controlling My Chaos said...

It sounds like you need to go to the Gentle Dentist that they keep advertising in my town. He gives you a little pill to take before your appointment and then all you will see are rainbows and unicorns. Oh yeah, and I think you'll be high too, but that's okay, right?

Anonymous said...

I looked high and low - because I HATE the dentist.

I found one that (1) understood why i will never send her a Christmas card, (2) Gives me as much novacaine as I need - as often as I need it, (3) gives me a XANAX prescription to be taken before major procedures like crowns and (4) doesn't mind that I also need laughing gas before they stick the numbing needle into my jaw.

She (1) doesn't call me - i call her, (2) doesn't chastise me when she doesn't see me for long periods of time and (3) is ALWAYS gentle

I would add her to the Christmas card list just because she is all the above....but I just can't make myself do it...because it still hurts.

LWV

Michelle said...

Yikes yikes yikes! I am so sorry. That sounds miserable. And it also reminds me that I'm way behind on getting my cleaning in. Oops.

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

i am just as bad. they gave me stickers last time for not crying and kicking. i'm 37.

oh - and when i first read this i thought you were 17 now and felt like i had been doing something dirty following you. peeked at your profile and felt redemption. whew.

Anonymous said...

I hate dentists,the surroundings,machines,lights as well and novacaine.
Where they wiggle that needle into the back of my mouth on a small piece of skin.
That feels invading.
It gives me a panic attack and they do nothing.
Thank you for all your comments these experinces seem more real.
I wish there was a support group outside the computer for this dentist trama and abuse thing.
I wish it was taken more seriously how patients feel in dentist places.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Toronto Dentist :) said...

Lots of "I Hate dentists" ranting. I made a blog just for you - http://www.smilesensation.com/toronto-dentist-blog/top-10-reasons-people-hate-dentists/

Toronto Dentist :) said...

I changed the site name so that last link is messed up. Here's the new link to Top 10 Reasons People Hate Dentists