Friday, May 08, 2009

I need your funny to make me feel better.....


Things at work that made it to the blog.

A bug flew up my nose so fast it scared me into frantically swatting my nose (while staff looked on like I had just got out of the crazy bin). I felt the bug get stuck in my throat as I gagged from the disgustingness of it while trying to yak it out. No such luck.

My 21 year old cook endearingly means well and today told me he was sorry he thought I was 40ish like his mother. "You look old...I don't know." You stupid A-hole.

Wondered why one of my employees looked extremely exhausted and overheard another of her co-workers mention that exhausted employee and boyfriend got a new sex book and went through 'a good amount' of pages before work. :sigh: I remember those days....now it's all about what grocery store has the best sale for Lil Ramblers Pull Ups.

I'm in a bad bad funk this week.

(Hate+Discontent=Uber bitchy Rambler).

I've been searching for laughter to heal the battle wounds of my roller coaster of emotions my sanity has been on. Please, please, drop me a funny. Anything. I just want to read, be surprised and laugh out loud at any funny you have stored away for times such as these. (I know, slightly dramatic....but whadda ya expect?).

A dirty joke
A funny quote.
ANYTHING.

Rambler Inc., will resume normal me-ness next week.

50 ramblings of your own:

Mighty M said...

My three year old was putting on her jammies last night, grabbed her chest and said "mom, my boobies are growing!!".

Saskia said...

I hope your day gets better. This made me laugh this morning... hope it makes you smile :)

Saskia x

http://bisforbrown.blogspot.com/2009/05/fail.html

Lisa said...

I'm sorry you're in a funk! Luckily, the weekend is close! :)

Have you seen this Kick the Monster's Ass video? It NEVER fails to make me giggle. My boyfriend doesn't get it but I seriously watch it a couple of times a week. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC6KME0YtDE

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

hope your weekend is better. i don't usually self-promote, but if you need funny you may want to check out my blog post from yesterday. it's been 6 days since the incident and my hooha looks like a teenage boy's cheek at the moment. tmi?

Tooj said...

I've got nothing. Nothing funny is going on in my diarrhea filled house. LOL I do, however, think you should have slapped the sad little 21 year old.

andy said...

right, i'm breaking out the big guns...which could have ended up being a post of its own...just for you.

scene: my boudoir
time: midnight
set up: the boyfriend and i do not live together...his parents live in a granny flat in his basement...so he is able to "stop over" a few nights a week while they are @ home with his kidlets.

picture this: andy is enjoying herself. A LOT. townhouse is small. bedrooms waaaaaay too close together. enjoyment finale. silence. little voice outside locked (thank goodness) bedroom door "mommy are you okay?". omfg, mortification.

end result: i was able to pass off mommy's verbal exclamations as a "bad dream"...

until it comes up in her therapists office in 15 years or so.

awesome.

you're welcome.

don't say i never share enough.

andy

mo.stoneskin said...

I would have loved to see you swatting your nose.

Any chance you could re-create on a vodcast for us?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I signed a field trip form - apparently they are headed to your restaurant. I'm sure the teens will do something to crack you up.

Fiauna said...

Okay, What do you get when you goose a ghost? .............. A hand full of sheet! Get it? Sheet!

That's all I've got. Sorry, I'm just not too funny. I hope you get out of your funk soon.

Cassie said...

Straight from my blog post yesterday:

Some friends of mine were staying in a hotel with their two kids, a 3 year old and a baby. They had a suite, so they put the kids to bed in the room, thinking they would have some "adult time" on the couch. Things heated up, and right when they were getting "into position" on the couch, their 3 year old daughter opened the door.

She sees what is going on and says, "Hey daddy, are you doing the stanky leg?

hotpants™ said...

I've had a horrible week. I tried to do something to make it better and failed miserably. Long story that I'll probably blog about later. Here's a joke I got in an email this morning.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

Housewife Savant said...

Come over.
Cuz puke's funny, right?

Shorty said...

I've got just the funny thing for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKxmM9n1b8g

Who knew that turtles made noises???

Hope your day and week get better, my friend!

K said...

Hmmm...I have no idea. I think I'm in a bit of a funk right now too.

But my son has been cracking me up with his new phrases like "I did it" and "follow me". If he does anything (anything at all, think shut a door or pick up a toy) he proudly shouts "I did it" and then puffs out his chest and does a little victory walk.

Kathy B! said...

Come over to my blog and check out yesterday's post about fairies... I think if you read it you'll understand your funk... the fairies have been busy with you!

Martha said...

$hit, Girlfriend, I am so sorry you're in a funk. Totally understandable w/the moron cook.

These are Lame-O, but it's short notice.

Two Irishmen walk past a bar...
Hey, It could Happen!!

Two men walk into a bar
The third ducks.

How do you hide money from a surgeon?
But it in a book.

Here, lemme me buy you a drink and let's go shopping or walking or something... ((Hugs))

Muppet Soul said...

Oh, the pressure!

The YouTube video of the dramatic hamster always makes me laugh.

There's also going on www.nbc.com/snl and looking at clips of favorite sketches. That does it for me.


I jiggle my left breast in your general direction.

that usually puts Bub in a good mood.

If it gets really bad, you can always hop on a plane and come to L.A. for my exclusive cheer up services. ( It's a very private club).

Sapphire said...

Awwww, Rambler! It sucks to be in a funk....I love Fiauna and Hotpants' replies. And Martha...you're good on short notice!
If you want funny, go to my OTHER blog ;), you know, the one designed to confuse the hell out of people...the one at wordpress and read the Flashback Friday post. Guaranteed to have you rolling!
http://resplendentlife.wordpress.com/2009/02/27/flashback-friday/

DiPaola Momma said...

Oh my YOUNG Grasshopper, the funny will come.. stop by the dojo (aka my blog) and read the wisdom of your master.. for a good he he...chin up deary.. you could have your 4 year old tell you they loved your belly becaue it was squishy like a water ballon with lots of bumps on it.. from the mouths of babes... aaah Mother's day

Amy said...

you can read about how i'm mother of the fucking year and dropped my kid who then broke his tooth. yeah, he's a hillbilly now.

Muppet Soul said...

Okay, I dedicated an entry to you on my blog.

Funny in my mind said...

go over here and read about her neighbor troubles....www.mykidsmightbemartians.com/

lagirl said...

I've got a stomach ache.
Nothing funny here...
But I could probably get my dh to come in here and pass gas - he always thinks that's hysterical.
Let me know if that would help.

Proud to be Me-a wife, a mom, a student said...

Hello my dear sweet not 40looking friend! I must say that I was in quite a funk as well, and then I read all of your wonderful bloggy friend comments and laughed so hard I almost peed, which after 2 kids is not that hard to do.

My son has a new favorite word, it was F&*k, courtesy of the hubs, but I got him to now say FUDGEROONI, which he pronounes fudgeanooni....but its so much better than F&*K. He also blames the dog Tankers, for his pooping, that's how I know he needs a diaper change, he walks around the house yelling Tankers is POOPIN..he's POOPIN momma...and he's done Poopin..change i diaper? Out of the mouths of babes....

cari said...

why do ducks have webbed feet?

(to stomp out forest fires)

why do elephants have flat feet?

(to stomp out flaming ducks)

haahah!!

oh.. i love my elephant jokes!

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Oh, how I would love to help you out. But, being in a bit of a funk myself lately, I am more than a little short on funny.

Hope you feel better soon.

Shawn said...

My young son caught my hubby and myself "in-delecto" one morning when he walked into our bedroom. We quickly pulled up the covers and my hubby told him that he was tickling me. He seemed to accept this explanation, and we forgot about it.


Then, a few months later, when we were all together with all my much older kids, and having a get-together, we were goofing around and my young son said in front of everyone: "Come on, you guys, lets all start tickling Mommy---like Daddy does when he's on top of her!"

Uh....tweet, tweet....awkward.

Becky said...

A friend of mine posted this video of this kid dancing and it cracks me up -- they even showed it on Ellen the other day as one of their favorite kid videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxfe8YTd6N4

Hope you're feeling better soon :)

Kalei said...

I caught Violet trying to "milk" Kai.......hahahaha! I stopped her.

pan x 8 said...

After my workout last week my little Chubbs (1-yr) wanted love and so I picked up her and hugged her. She buried her little head in my boobs (wearing a shade tank) and tried to snuggle.

She instantly pulled her head out and started shaking no no with this scrunched up face! LOL

Hope it made you laugh! I'm still laughing this morning!

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