Friday, August 14, 2009

Me and Stray Cats....Just.Don't.Get.Along!!

Some of you all know that I've had my run in's with my neighborhood stray ninja cats.

Well....I got paid a visit the other night after work.

My family and I live in a townhouse. We occupy the upstairs unit.

So imagine stairs to my front door.

Imagine me coming home after midnight.

Imagine it being dark. Really dark. (For theatrics sake)

Imagine me flipping the outside light on from the BOTTOM of my stairs so I can see the keyhole when I get to the top.

Imagine my surprise when I flipped the light on...I find a cat digging around in the garbage bag my husband left outside the front door to take out 'later in the morning on his way out'.

It was a black cat.

I had taken two steps upward in the same motion of flipping the light on and startled the beegeesus out of the cat and as it hissed and felt cornered it jumped on top of the railing by my front door and we had a stare down.

I took many steps back....cause I'm the biggest chicken sh*t in the world...especially when tired and cranky after a long hard strenuous work day (yes....the violins are playing for my whine and cheese story).

I silently curse my husband for leaving the trash out. I wonder if I'll have to go back to my car because if you read the other ninja cat story you'll understand my hesitation to proceed.

I'm sweating. And panicking.

So is the cat.

And then it freaking jumps off the railing to the tree away from where I am. But the leaping thing made me think it was leaping in mid air to attack me.

So I sorta threw my purse down, and covered my face and head and squealed in mock pain like it had hit me.

Then the tiny little rational person inside me, who had tried explaining that I outweighed the furball by a trillion pounds and that I was the person, IT was the animal....and that along the food chain of things I ranked superior, heard tree branches and scrambling of 4 tiny disgusting vile feet make it's way beyond me.

So it's past midnight. My purse is on the ground by the slugs because I didn't pay much attention when I frigged out. My nerves were beyond shot. And I need to go to my front door but the paranoia plays mean mind games on me thinking the cat was still in the tree right by my front door and would lunge for my face and rip out my eyeballs.

So I did what any completely silly person would do. I ran up my steps with my slugged slimed-ed purse to my face and opened up 2 doors, (since when the hell did my husband close both doors? I close the second door when I get in...), 4 locks with trembling hands and escaped what I'm sure was a near death experience.

And I'm sure that if ANY of my neighbors (or husband) had been up at the late late hour I would have looked/felt/seemed more pathetic than I was.


Some days it sucks to be me.

I hate cats.

The stray kind.

21 ramblings of your own:

Call Me Cate said...

I'm sorry - I love cats. But black stray ninja cats are not to be trusted under any circumstances. I probably would've done much the same as you. Except I might've called my husband from my cellphone, yelling and screaming at him.

I laughed, but not at you of course. It's a great post!

Housewife Savant said...

I'm So Glad you made the distinction re: your cat loathing. I'm jus' saying that SOME PEOPLE have REALLY NICE CATS.
To say more would smack of Cat Lady, and I'm sure you've heard; I'm So Not That.

Any reasonable person would've behaved just like you in that situation, you can tell yourself. said...

That photo is amazing! Luv luv luv it! And the story, too hilarious. Maybe we can use the ninja cat as a hit-man on bad customers? I'd love that.

Anonymous said...

Glad you were not attacked. I am not a cat person, at all! Cats freak me out. I would have done the same so don't feel bad.

lagirl/sweet tea said...

I think I can hear your heart pounding! Yes, I truly feel your fear!!
I feel the same way about cats.
They're sneaky little creatures and there's no reading them. I had a traumatic incident with a cat when I was a child and I never got over it. Perhaps I need therapy. Perhaps you need therapy. Perhaps we could go together!! Wouldn't that be great fun!?

The Blonde Duck said...

For some reason, cats don't like me.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

The strays out here all live on the bike path. To my knowledge, they do not come to the houses.

It might have been awful at the time, but was a fun read.

Shan said...

Egads that was harrowing! I would have done it all exactly the same, but with the extra flourish of tripping while making the mad dash up the stairs. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

Anonymous said...


That is all you are going to get from me. I totally don't need to think of anything witty to say, because I am laughing from what I know happened in the last cat post. So this is like the icing on the cake. And I am crying half from laughing so hard and half from being sad that I couldn't see it in person so that instead of laughing this hard I could have totally been peeing in my pants from hysterically laughing.

Because even though I lve you big time, I still would totally have gotten a good laugh from you being scared of that big, bad, putty-tat!

Lynette said...

Stopping in from SITS Sharefest and you were above me and I am so glad you were. Can I be honest and say, that even though we have a big, fat, black cat that looks like the one pictured in your story (minus the Ninja head band of course) I hate her everyday just for breathing! Thank you for making me laugh this very early morning!!

Love your blog story - have a great weekend!

GreedyGirl said...

Hi checking in from SITS

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

Queenie Jeannie said...

You poor thing!

I take it you won't enjoy Saturdays at my blog....


Martha said...

Sorry, Rambler for the scare.

Mighty M said...

Yikes!! I am super wary of ANY stray animal!! Glad you escaped! :-)

King of New York Hacks said...

LOL , yeah that cat pic looks like some japanese cartoon idea LOL

blueviolet said...

That had me cracking up! Picturing you running with the purse by your head in protective mode....LMAO!!!

ELAY said...

hahah, I had to imagine the whole thing hha.. anyway, that's like so mean coz I love cats. I love cats more than dogs. n_n

Anonymous said...

I have two cats, but I would rather not deal with strays either (or dogs - I hate when peoples dog jump all over me).

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I so feel the same! I hate coming into contact with animals that I have no idea if they have shots/rabies/death wishes against me.. I am super glad you survived.

Saskia said...

Rambler you do make me laugh!!! I can just imagine you, sweaty palms, heart racing, trying to unlock your front door as fast as possible!!

Hope you scared the ninja as much as he scared you.

Saskia x

Sammy said...

Now that would have been an entertaining thing for me if I still lived with you cause you know that I would have been awake sprawled on the floor cry laughing at you.... but only cause I love you... what are sisters for.