Little Reminders

Okay, first of all this is not my normal haha, funny, sarcastic PMS kind of post. It's a little sentimental and about my dad.

My dad passed away over 12 years ago from lung cancer and I struggle with the fact that he is not in my life anymore. Somedays, I "forget" he's not here and other days, it's extremely difficult. I don't talk much about the pain of his absence just because I absolutely hate crying in front of anyone except significant other (and even that is tough). Funny, me coming from a mother who's super sensitive characteristics was passed on to her three daughters.

Anyway, in these 12 years since his death, certain things will pop up to remind me of a time with him, or just about him. Sometimes I like to think it's his sutle way of letting me know he's still with me and keeping an eye on things from above. When I'm driving to work, dreading it, I always see this company truck that has his name in their logo. It always puts a smile on my face. He smoked a lot and I always had that smell of his cigarettes in my throat, and every once in a while at home by myself, I get that smell. Little things like that.

A couple of days ago at the movies, I was behind a family with three daughters. The mother and two youngest went to get seats while the oldest stayed with her dad to help with snacks. I watched them and tears started to form as the father put his arm around her and kissed her and laughed about whatever they were talking about. And I realized I really missed those kinds of moments with him. I put the sunglasses on and thankfully for my lack of holding it in, they moved to a new line that opened up. The tears and sadness lasted for but a moment, when I thought hey, I wasn't even thinking of him, and I'm having a really rough week at work, and here is a reminder of my dad letting me everything is going to be OK. I smiled and thanked him silently and ordered my popcorn and soda and went on with the rest of my day.

Thanks for reading today's' blog if you made it this far.

By the way, my mom had done a kick ass job being two parents for me and the sisters for longer than 12 years! Nobody better could have done a better job!