Sunday, December 14, 2008

Dad.

I knew today would be a post I was unsure how to start.

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First. My FLS (First Lil' Sis) is doing a cool giveaway. Please Please Please with a cherry on top, stop by. Say hey. Tell her I love her :) Maybe she'll throw in an extra entry if you say "Rambler loves ya!"...we haven't discussed that. But....I'm the big sister.

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Today is hard. Emotionally.

This time is always hard. It sneaks up on me. With a great big surprise like opening a dusty trunk and seeing a life laid out that seems so long ago.

They say it gets easier. Maybe they is someone who hasn't lost "it". The physical presence of my father is missed on different levels as my life progresses. Without him. I searched for something that could convey my feelings for today. Then thought. Write one yourself.

I miss him. Everyday.


Was that you?


The day your soul left this place
The day your pain went away
I felt a feeling a 17 year old girl coming of age
Does not know how to explain
I knew you were gone
Before mom told me
Was that you?

The day I wore my cap and gown.
The day I received THE paper that said I made it.
My first achievement in life
The first real smile in months
Since you left.
Was that you?

The day I met THE man for me.
The moment I knew.
He was like someone I loved too.
Was that you?

The day I walked down the aisle
With mom and sister
The sky was clear
The sun was beautiful
The trade winds blew gently
Like any bride would pray for
Was that you?

The day my beautiful baby
blessed this earth
A familiar smell filled my room
Your smell.
Was that you?

The days my baby
giggled to herself.
Coo’d by herself.
Smiled to herself.
Was that you?

The days I felt
Lonely,
Sadness,
Weary,
And imagined a hand in mine
Was that you?

This day,
your day of birth
I see myself.
My sisters.
Our children.
Their smiles….

….I smile

Was that you?

29 ramblings of your own:

Celine said...

I'm sorry about your dad but that poem just gave me the chills...
Thanks for sharing it with us.

Jeanne said...

I lost my own dad 5 years ago and still miss him. He was funny, a die-hard Democrat, and, like most of his generation, a bit racist. All through the election I found myself wondering how he would have reacted and wishing I could talk to him about it, confident that he would have seen what I see in President-elect Obama.

I'd tell you that time will make the pain go away, but my mom's been gone nearly 35 years and I still miss her, so I know that's not true. Some things you never get over.

Your poem was beautiful.

Kalei said...

very well put.

Yes I will put another entry in the raffle if they say they are visiting through you.

Love you sis!
Happy Birthday Dad!

Come visit the giveaway today!

Melanieshea said...

I've lost my mother. I understand! I will be thinking of you during this time!

kels said...

made me cry.
praying for you, dear.

Cammie said...

That is beautiful. I hope you make it through the day .....

Joanne said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that it will get easier in time for you.

It is beautiful what you wrote about your father to help express how you are feeling today.

I saw your comment on the roll call in SITS and thought I should stop by.

Penz said...

beautiful. :) I hope today you can be happy with great memories and know that you father is with you. take care.

The Bush Family said...

I lost my dad when I was 17 too, and lost my mom just 3 months ago, so i'm right there with you. Your poem is beautiful....my thoughts are with you :)

Becky said...

What a nice tribute to your dad. I think that it's different for everyone. I do think that it's gotten easier to deal with my step-dad's death (and now my dad) with time, but that doesn't mean I won't miss them forever. I remember talking to my step-dad a few years ago and we were talking about his mom, whom he'd lost a little more than 20 years earlier and he said he still thought about her everyday.

Tiffany said...

Saw your comment at SITS.

Beautiful poem. I am sending you lots of cyber hugs!

Shorty said...

What a beautiful poem...so sweet and touching. I wish I had the words to say that would bring you total comfort. Please know that your blogger BFF's are thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Janna said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your poem was beautiful and made me teary eyed. I can't even imagine losing my father, let alone losing him at 17. My thoughts are with you today.

Krissy said...

awesome poem mary!!! i know how much you loved your dad and i'm sure that he is very proud of all of you. btw, to answer your poem questions, yes, he was there each and every time =)
luv ya!!!!

Janah @ So Not Mom-a-licious said...

That was such a sweet poem! You really made me think.
And the "they's" of the world should really realize that some things don't always get easier. They may not cross our mind as often, but that doesn't mean they get easier to think about. Well, I hope that you get through today and can at least manage a couple smiles!

Michele said...

What a beautiful poem. I adore it!

Kalei said...

Thought I would say also that Dad loved you, he loved all of us, including mom. He was only human and in that made choices, that didn't always please everyone. He is in a good place now and he can do so much more there. I truly believe his path is one that spreads Joy from where-ever he is at. Take a look at one of Marthas' poems on Death....She just had her brother Jims anniversary from cancer as well. It truly had a way with putting it in perspective....
I hope she doesn't mind, but here is the poem I am speaking of....

Gone From My Sight
by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

Maki said...

I'm so sorry about your dad..

This post made me cry. Your dad is looking after you and your little one and all your family....

Beautiful and yet so heartbreaking post...

((HUGS))

The Blonde Duck said...

Saw you at SITS and wanted to stop by. What a poignant post.

Kalei said...

I am still doing the giveaway...I still have 3 gifts to giveaway and so extending till Friday....Hope you can stick with me on this one! I am doing a special post on Saturday for all those that were able to participate.....

The Bush Family said...

I Heart YOU TOO! :)

Lady with a View said...

Ramblin' lady - {{HUGS}} and bloggity sister love.

Janna said...

I gave you an award on my blog.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your poem was brilliant, and beautiful and overflowed with the love you have for your dad and the loss as well. It spoke to a place in my heart left vacant by a different kind of loss...the loss of my little boy, who was two. Similar sentiments although the pain is nowhere near the same. But there was something about your poem that reminded me so much of certain feelings I've had about Josh over the years.

Beautiful and so very heartfelt. Thanks for sharing it.

Megan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful poem & tribute to your dad.

Anna Lefler said...

That is just beautiful. Truly lovely. Thanks so much for sharing it with all of us. I hope you find happy memories today and that you feel your dad's happy, peaceful presence with you.

BTW, thank you so much for including my blog acronyms on your sidebar! I am honored...

Take care...

:^) Anna

Rachel said...

What a beautiful poem!!! Like I told you on text, I was crying during a 3 am feeding with the little Nohea. Love you guys tons!!!

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Good grief, we could be related! Gag reflex and absolute fear of birds! Oiy!

Oh and heyyyyyy! Happy SITS day. I get all excited when it's a blogger I know and read a lot! Yipeeeeee!

Unknown Mami said...

I'm sorry about your father.

The poem is a beautiful, touching tribute to him and I'm sure it was him all those times.