for my sweet beth...

I carry Your Heart with me-E.E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go my dear and whatever is done by me is your doing, my darling I fear)
I fear no fate (because you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which always grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder thats' keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I first found this when watching the movie "In her Shoes" with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collete. I am sending this one out to my niece because I need her to know how much she is loved. It's easier to understand the read if you see the last scene in the movie....which I have here for you to click and see for yourself...:)

All my love to my darling Beth.

Aunty Rambler...

Don't be shy...

Thank you to all that come and visit my ramblings! It really puts a smile on my heart to see my little hit counter go up more than 1 a week :)

I really encourage you to leave me a little hello, guess who? message if you like. If not, hey once again I really thank you ALL whoever you are for reading my thoughts typed out on computer! And for my fav. Mrs. Wong....God I love you for all the encouragement.

Muah, Muah! (that would be kiss, kiss for each cheek)

Forever Young...

Every once in a while you watch something that tickles your insides and puts a smile on your face. Maybe even a tear at a moment that pulls at your heartstrings. Hi, my name is Rambler and I'm a movieaholic. I unfortunately can sit for a long time and watch movie after movie after movie. (When I get a chance.)

Tonight, I came across THAT movie. Called Young @ Heart. It's such a great documentary (in my opinion). Its about a group of seniors (average age of 80) from Massachusetts in a chorus singing covers of songs from Coldplay, James Brown, Clash...just to name a few. The premise of the documentary follows the chorus group for seven weeks and shows them preparing for a show at the local concert hall. You don't normally expect people their age to like the songs chosen but when sung together and hearing the words from their mouth just takes on this new animal of life. Their music director, Bob Cilman, seems to me to be their 'extra' son/grandson in life. But that doesn't keep him from holding the punches though on his crew of retirees if they need correcting when learning a new song. As one senior said, "Bob chews on nails and spits them on us!" They truly all adore each other and I commend this group for not making the ends of their lives meaningless. They got spunk and a great sense of humor.

This song below was my favorite performance sung by a "retired" retiree that no longer sang with the group due to health reasons. He was to sing it as a duet with another former member, but he passed away a week before the performance. A night or two before the concert another one of it's existing members who was a big heart of the clan also passed away. They dedicated this song to those two members. Song is called "Fix You" by Coldplay.



You know, my family and I lightly joke how active my grandparents are. (I secretly joke because I'm jealous) But when seeing this documentary I feel glad for them that they choose to live and not live that cliche of old people just sitting in retiree homes waiting to die. They both still drive (my grandmother freaks us out, but nothing dangerous), cook big meals for their kids and grandkids, go to the Y and exercise (grandma always shows us the latest move), Line dance (my grandfather used to be the "DJ" for their performances put as since joined them onstage). You can't help but wholeheartedly love them.

The oldest member of Young @ Heart (92) said about the mind..."If you don't use it, you lose it". I can't think of better advice.

Here's looking at you kid! (wink)
The Rambler

What would you do?

A man and a TV crew are on your lawn. They knock on your door. You open it and they scream..."You've just won a million dollars! What are you gonna do?"

Me, poop in pants, on ground passed out!

Okay, okay. so tonight I brought this question up to some of my employees and some of the answers were interesting.

We all agreed that in this economy that 1 million dollars would not go THAT far, but we weren't complaining, we'd take the money. Some said the first thing they'd do is take a 6 week vacation and come back to work, others said buy a house (yah, in Hawaii, that million would go fast!), others pay bills, others said they'd invest it.

For a moment, I went to that fictional what if land and thought what WOULD I do? And so this is what my first 3 OH-MY-GOD-I-CANT-BELIEVE-I-JUST-WON-THIS-MUCH-MONEY spending would go towards....

1. Pay off my mothers debts! Lord knows I'm part of the reason why she has it.
2. Pay off my husbands and my debts.
3. Take a vacation to Disneyland with ALL my family on me! (man that would be so f-ing awesome! Being with the whole gang! At Disneyland!)

alright and than I thought of...

4. Take a paid vacation to Europe with my BFF's. IDK, I saw Sex and the City recently and maybe I wouldn't mind going to Mexico to that really awesome looking resort...but would be like Miranda and not into the food. IDK...

5. Put 100K away for my daughter. No touchy touch until she's 21. She can have 15% of it when she's 18 but the rest not until then.

6. Help my sis pay off her very affordable home in PA. If only homes were that cheap here in HI.

Well, it's not much of a post tonight but....

What would YOU do if you won a million dollars? Your top 3!

Air Kisses (each cheek cause that's how we fake millionaires roll),

Rambler

that scary word....cancer.

Today at work I met someone that shared with me that she had terminal breast cancer. It was random that she chose to elect me as her recipient of this news. I was ringing up her merchandise in the store and a simple question to her turned into a 15 minute conversation about how this could be her last trip out. She hadn't told her husband who was sitting on the first level of my 2 level restaurant. We were on the 2nd. She had been drinking. And I know what your thinking....but there was something about the whole thing that made me believe her.

She talked about her kids all older and on their own and how much she just loved her husband and they had been best friends for over 30 years...and how he'd been there the first time she'd gotten cancer and beat it. She was so proud of her kids and you could see how that shook her not knowing how much more time she had with them. Her plan was to finish her vacation and when she got home she'd tell her husband what the results had been. This was her time she said to let her husband enjoy this vacation with her. In case it was their last. She teared again. I had to look down and tell myself not to let that tear drop. Be strong for this woman, I begged myself.

I'm an emotional sucker for emotion. If there was a contest for the fastest human to shed a tear and have a quivering lip...you would see me as the grand Pubaa. I told her that I thought it was nice of her to give that gift of "normalcy" to her husband by letting him enjoy this time without that weight of worry. Even though I'm sure he will be angry at her for not letting HIM give HER the support that she needs with this. We finished up her transaction and I bagged up everything, asked her name and told her I would keep her in my thoughts and say a little prayer for her. She smiled and said not to take anything for granted and requested I not let on we had this conversation around her husband. I had briefly spoke with them earlier at their table and met her husband and he seemed like a real good guy. I couldn't face going back and looking at him thinking...it's not right I know something so intimate about this person that he doesn't know yet. But I understood why she did it. It might be something I would do.

I don't know, it was oddly strange but I'm glad I met her. I was dismayed a bit that she's right, you just never know what God may bring your way. You take the good with the bad. Sadly we've all known of someone either close to us or casually that has had some form of cancer. I lost my father to lung cancer when I was 17. I despised that word, feared it, hated it, cried many tears because of it. 16 years later, my doctor said that word to me a year after I had my daughter. That word brought me back to that time, but in the role of my father. It was quickly taken care of and that word is not something I need to worry about. (((sigh))). I hate that people have to go through this struggle.

Her name was Karry. And I'm glad I met her.

~The Rambler

Today is my Friday!

Well, it's my Friday. I still have work tonight and than I can enjoy the days off. I'm recovering from some cold that's zapped my energy. I almost feel like supermommy again so this weekend I'll accomplish some much needed domestic duties. They've been either shelved or swept under the couch until I could muster the strength or more like motivation.

But other than that, I plan on relaxing and enjoying time with my family and RELAXING...really! So it's all I have for today and I'll post more after all the cleaning....and RELAXING :)

~The Excited Rambler~

To MY BFF...on her Un-day....

Thank you for being the friend every girl needs watching her back!!....Muah!

A grateful Rambler with a friend

When did I get here?

artwork by Aurore Damant

Today I got another email that made me laugh. I've had numerous conversations with friends, family, and mainly myself about when in the world did I/we get to this age. I'm my mother already. I never expected it...so soon...or just never. IDK, the age of the times and this email made me laugh because I really have said some of it....so thank you to my friend Steve-o for the email.

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning
... Uphill... barefoot…
BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay
A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it
And how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you
Don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!
...Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to
Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-r esolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroi ds'. Your guy was a little square! You
Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
Little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove .... Imagine that! & lt; /SPAN>
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile,
Whether they are under 30 or not.)

Love....The over 30 Rambler...

Dear Gyno-Monster,

I'm not a fan of going to anything medical, dental, visionary, whatever. I'm a big fat baby. And all my doctors know it! I almost feel bad for them when I come in because they might have to put a little more effort into getting us through our appointment. I said almost bad, so that means I'm not. My own fear gobbles up anything trying to come close to it. Its fierce, my fear, and it will not back down until we are done.

I'm not speaking for all woman in the world but I have to say my most unpleasant trip to any doctor has to be for our yearly routine pap smear check up. It only lasts minutes, the whole thing, but my fear makes me believe it last a whole lot longer. Like maybe 10 minutes! :)

I don't know if it's the paper dress they make you put on, and wrapping the biggest bounty paper towel around you because the paper dress has turned into a paper vest and you need the coverage. I'm naked, vulnerable, wondering how everything down "there" is looking. I mean, that's a pretty private spot and now I'm sitting on a chair/bed thing with my legs in stirrups and wide open for someone I see maybe once a year. My husband doesn't even get that kind of treatment. HA!

Anyway, I've had quite a few gyno's throughout my life.

There was the time when I was 18, passed out from cramps/that time of the month, and unknowingly was about to face my FIRST time. Those poor chumps. They had their hands full with that girl!

And there was this other time I had a visit with Dr. Long Nails....Do those come off when you examine me?

Moving on the my favorite of favorite doctors...the one that helped me birth my first child into the world! Dr. Special I will call her. I don't know but this lady is something. I appreciated her tolerance of my phobia with medical professionals. When your seeing this person at least once a month when pregnant and more frequently when closer to due date, you can't help but to either completely dread the person handling your privates (hence the Gyno-Monster reference)or to absolutely fall in STAR love with the person who will help you bring to fruition a pretty intense thing for your cervix, uterus, whatever! She was patient, kind, funny, and I could relate to her. She was close to my age, also had a child, seemed like she could be one of my gal pals on the outside, you know, THAT person. I was more relaxed when going in. Which translates to relaxed legs when in stirrups...and you ladies know what I'm talking about!

DR: Uh, could you just relax your legs a little?
YOU: Aren't they?
DR: Well, your butts not even touching the table?! If you relax a little then we can do this. (Smile from Dr. hoping it will happen soon)
YOU: OK, i just relaxed.....
DR: Alright, just relax your butt muscles (not sure if this is the right thing they say, but usually I have to relax those too!)
YOU: mmmm, okay.
DR: GREAT! Your just gonna feel a little pinch....
YOU: (Internal Scream) HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! that's a little pinch?

Of course the doctor only hears your quick short breathing and not the scream that sounds like your getting murdered.

Sadly my favorite OBGYN found a great job with another hospital that didn't take my medical and I was off to find another replacement. Her current replacement they put us with was OK. But I didn't get that "YOUR THE ONE" vibe from her. I've just found one and I'm thinking she's "THE ONE". Cross fingers, cross fingers.

Enough rambling for now....

Patient Rambler signing off.

For my mommy's out there...

A mommy from my mommy website shared this today and I thought it was funny...I'm sure my mother would get a laugh out of this! Enjoy!



Love Love~ a Rambling Mama!

Man with the Red Hair, you disappoint me!

Yesterday started relatively good. The no soda thing has given me better energy to get up in the mornings with the a little more zing and a pep in my step!

Me and the daughter got up, made her bed, brushed our teeth, changed clothes (and diaper), and decided to go out for breakfast where you go to "PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE..." and let her play in the Playground Playland whatever they call it thing. The moment the car comes into sight of her beloved playground she knows where we are going. You would think we won free gas for a year with her excitement! So we pull in, park, unstrap (mind you with a forceful "Muuoom" and eyes that say could I be any slower.) We go in and I wonder why the chairs are still on the table in the play area and say OMG, they're not open for it yet. What? They're always open, well except for that time they had a birthday party and it was only for them......

Back to the story...

Okay, so I stand by the exit door and strain my eyes to the sign on the play area door which seems 100 yards away and read "CLOSED UNTIL FRIDAY for maintenance" (today is Tuesday)..Crap!

Okay, so my cute little 2year old is waving at people like she's the Mayor of McDonalds and turns into Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde the second she realizes Mom is trying to backing out of the door with little colateral damage. She screams, she kicks, she pleads...How do you explain to a 2 year old that it's not open. Mommy will go to the other one....I promise, I promise.

I'm quickly thinking as I struggle to strap her in. Her face seems likes its oozing mucus from every orface due to her massive tantrum attack. I really couldn't blame her. I gave her all of 2 seconds to look at the playland and with no understanding, just left. As I start the car I know I just have to drive in a certain direction and I'll hit 3 other Mcdonalds. And I know 1 of them had the other playland.

Round 2!

We park, she's not sure whats going on but she recognizes the the symbol on the door and I can see her little brain working. When we walk into the door we are both happy. Yeah, playland. Okay our plan, eat breakfast, and than go crazy. We are standing in line, waiting to order, and she's like screw the food, I wanna play. I let her down and watch her try to find the door and all of a sudden something seems not right?

And yes, for some reason this Mcdonalds ALSO WAS CLOSED. No one could tell me except to say I don't know maam. Again, as I pull an even more upset little mini tsunami of tears away from the door to the 2nd closed playland teaser, I felt horrible. She begged like she was sorry if she made me upset. I try to comfort her and look at people and try to mouth the words Playground was closed. Ooo, was the looks on their face in either empathy and or relief I wasn't beating my kid in the car.

I strap her in, AGAIN, and go home defeated. Hell if I was gonna try another one and realized it wasn't meant to be. I vowed to take her to the tot lot by our house later.
On the drive home my poor kid clutched fiercely to her Goofy doll and fell asleep from the frustration of not being able to play. When I took her from her seat, she bolted straight up and yelled NOOO like she had forgotten that she was angry. When she realized we were home, she passed out again in my arms and decided to dream of it for the next two hours of a unexpected nap.

Mr. Man with the Red Hair, REALLY? Gimme a break?!?

You did not make me smile today!

:( ~a slightly irked Rambler. :(